My Life and Death
by zanetkakiss
Summary: She is just normaL girl when every thing was taken away from her, but she hates the pain of living,smiling, she lost everything now its one way the get it back or is it.Will every one be happy with her decision or not?Fell the tears fall she cant. ONESHOT


**A.N: one shot from my thoughts so check it out please its important. If you don't like blood and it makes you sick then don't read it and most important I DO NOT DO THOSE STAFF SO DON'T THINK I DID THAT, ok thank you.**

**Enjoy.**

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**_My Life and Death._**

I positioned the razor to my wrist. I was now in the schools toilet and as usual I just so her. Amelia with my ex bff's making her "oh so good jokes" and I'm always left out. It happen when she joined the school. The only person that was there for me left she is now in her country and I miss her so much. All the pain kept coming back this was the only way to realise the stress.

I then cut it in deep as always but now all I could do was look at it I felt nothing like my pain is gone nothing to worry about.

I grabbed my arm wormers from the back pack after cleaning up my wrist's I putted them on. It was very easy to say bye to something you never had. I walked out of the toilet in to the hot air, I token a deep breath in and looked ahead of me there she was every one then turned to me I was always locked up in the library reading same new book but today was my last day of school but no one know this.

She smirked at me when no one was looking, the truth always hurts she was always mean and making jokes when I was in the group few week no months ago till now I cant take an more of her lies. Gave her same of my trust and it hit me in the face again.

I can not fell because of her now. I walked around the playground for a few seconds which felt like hours. Then I looked at my self I was wearing a black uniform like every one else but it was baggy on me now, I stopped eating cuz of her so I was really skinny and had not that much energy, my whole body was thin before I use to be a bit chubby and yeah I hated it but this was not better.

Every one kept on staring at me, my pink and black hair bouncing with every move I made and I know what they were thinking 'oh Emma hit the low and is now psycho' but I didn't care I looked to my left and there they were looking at me with a look that said it all exactly it screamed it like 'OMG LOOK EMMA IS IN THE PLAY GROUND HOW CAN THIS BE I HAVENT SEEN HER IN LIKE HALF A YEAR' all I could do was sing a few words to myself.

_"There were places we would go at midnight _

_There were secrets that nobody else would know _

_There's a reason but _

_I don't know why _

_I don't know why_

_I don't know why _

_I thought they all belonged to me"_

My voice was a little dry because I haven't spoken to any one for a LONG while but I still had that sparkle in my voice that was the only thing she couldn't take from me.

_"Who's that girl?_

_Where's she from?_

_No she can't be the one_

_That you want_

_That has stolen my world_

_It's not real, it's not right_

_It's my day, it's my night_

_By the way_

_Who's that girl living my life?_

_Oh no, living my life"_

I stopped because of the sudden pain in my arm, I looked over my shoulder to see Amelia walking away. I had to at least tell her if she won or not by that time I forgot about the pain I had no felling. I know this was going to surprise every one.

"you won Amelia do you hear that YOU WON you officially have my life my friend and my every thing. Take care and I hope you have fun in my life" I said walking back to the building but I heard her voice before going in.

"what are you talking about?? Emma??" she said with a small innocent look and voice. I turned around and felt dizzy but I had to do it was now or never.

"you know demn well what I'm talking about and don't act all innocent it doesn't fit you hope you have nice life, Michelle and Kim have a nice life with out me and live it up don't give up like me" I said then finally walking in the school building and up to the only place I loved if I could still love ever since she came my feelings are gone.

I wanted to see the things that kept me alive for those few months. I stopped in front of big door it was the biggest room in the whole school even bigger the cafeteria it was filled with adventure, fantasy and every thing you can think of. This was it my last time to fell. Every time I opened a book I could fell like anything can happen but this was the reality you cant go back pages to the good times or skip pages, you just have to go on and on even if it means being a loner I actually don't mind it, I mean I have nothing to loss if I do something wrong but same times it feels sad to not tell any one about it, about what I'm doing to myself by that I mean self harm ,

"miss Eliot why didn't you stay outside in the fresh air I'm sure it would do you same good I. Men you look a bit pale" said the Liberian as I entered the library but I jut shrugged,

I know I was pale because of the loss of blood and not eating that much all I have is an apple once a day but that was enough for me.

I walked to the back of the library where no one goes only me it was the only place where I can look at the cuts and no one can disturb me. I sat down on the ground while leaning against the shelf's.

I looked around, I still wasn't sure if any one was there so I pulled my hood up and took off the arm warmers which were covered with a bit of fresh blood. I didn't really care so I dropped them next to my black and red bag, I stared at my arms with a blank look it was the 100th time I so it but today it looked I bit more deeper cut but it wasn't because of the razor but Amelia when she bumped shoulders with me my arm hurt a bit for a seconds.

I finally made a decision and putted my arm warmers back on as I stood up while taking my bag and walking to the librarian.

"goodbye" was all I said she looked at me shocked cuz I was always quiet and sneak out but I had to say it for the last time.

"goodbye" she said happily but I still looked at her with no emotions. I walked out and in to my 5 period/class English we were now working on poems I loved it last year but now it was the only way to show what I felt. I sat at the back as always by myself.

"ok class today is going to be a crazy and I want you to write a poem but you don't have to you metaphors and all that just let out what you fell and I will read out every one of them and if we finish early whish we probably will you can have free time now remember you have to lessons for this before home time ok now get to work.

I took my book and started to write messy as always.

_**Blood is like the love I never fell in.**_

_**Darkness makes me invisible.**_

_**You are no one to me.**_

_**The make up hides the pain.**_

_**The arm warmers hide the scars.**_

_**That girl has my life.**_

_**There in no fallings in me.**_

_**The razor makes me relived.**_

_**And its my only friend.**_

_**That little act I can see.**_

_**You took any life you see.**_

_**Making it funny.**_

_**Makes me die.**_

_**Black blood.**_

_**Is my life.**_

_**My future.**_

_**I don't have one.**_

_**My blood.**_

_**So worm while dripping.**_

I stopped because I realised that I could not give this to the teacher but if I didn't I would get detention and if I got detention I would be late and it would make me think about what I'm doing I don't want that, just then a hand quickly took my paper and every one looked it me I looked up and miss Garder just smiled hoping to get a mile out off me but no I don't smile anymore.

"ok then we got one done any more." she said loudly but no one said a thing so she went on "ok why don't I read this one then…." she finished reading and I was looking at my scrap book. But I was interrupted by people staring at me so I looked up.

"miss Eliot this is amazing but is that how you really fell?" she asked walking over to me and putting a hand on my shoulder but I brushed her off and putted my hood up while shaking my head.

"ok any more" she said walking away as I looked and whispered the song I just wrote.

_"Seems like everything's the same around me_

_Then I look again and everything has changed_

_I'm not dreaming so I don't know why_

_I don't know why_

_I don't know why_

_She's everywhere I wanna be"_

I looked up there she was living my life and laughing away

_"Who's that girl?_

_Where's she from?_

_No she can't be the one_

_T__hat you want_

_That has stolen my world_

_It's not real, it's not right_

_It's my day, it's my night_

_By the way_

_Who's that girl living my life?"_

Just then the bell rang so I packed my bag and put it on my shoulder but before making sure my razor was protected so I won't cut my self on accident it really hurts then.

I was always the last one out of school but today was a different to every one and me I just wanted to get there and do it, is I walked out of the class after hearing a few gasps and a cold look from Amelia, as I stopped out my heels clicked on the polished floor every one stopped what they were doing, they know I was the only person with heels in the school and the teachers were all in the staffroom.

Every one turned to face me and moved out the way when I started to walk I felt confident so I took the hood off and every one gasped as how much make I had, ever since the start of my cutting act I started to wear lots of make u too like very dark eyeliner and lots of blush to take away the paleness from my face.

I kept walking till I was out of the school surprisingly every one made a walking path for me which was kind of awkward to have every one watching my moves but then again I realised I have power for now.

I walked to the bus stop and s that the 2 people that were taking the same bus now were there too, I could fell weak now it has been 3 months sine I smiled or said hi to them and 4 moths since Ella left and its been hard same people tried to make me hang out with them but I just looked at them and walked away.

I sat down on a bench next the bus stop and took out my pink dairy whish was covered with a few blood marks inside also a picture in the first page was a heart bleeding I loved it was one of my best art ever.

I flipped to the middle page when I was happy but now what. Am I sad? No. Am I happy? No. but I know that I cant fell.

I took a pen out of my bag and flipped to the last page my last memory's will be write there.

I started writing things down but I felt 2 pairs of eyes on me I looked up and soo them looking at me. I putted my dairy away and stud up. Crossing my arms I felt the pressure on my wrist and my whole arm so I closed my eyes but then open them hoping no one so it. But hope not always comes true my 2 ex-best friends watching me so I looked at them up and down and again, I felt like in CSI everyone watching my every move look I was a killer. Might as well die now.

5 more minutes of waiting the bus came and as always I got on but today was different it was packed with kids and my ex-friends I just stood next to the exit door wile listening to every one talking just hen next to me stood Michelle and Kim facing there backs on me.

"why do I have a felling something is going to happened today??2 she looked at Kim still not seeing me.

"I don't know but I have the felling to and I know its not hunger as always." said Kim finally turning and looking in my eyes. While Michelle giggled but it wasn't the same as before it sounded more snobby and stack up like Amelia's.

I looked away and Kim turned away. I was so deep in thoughts that I nearly missed my bus stop but when the door closed I pressed the emergency exit bottom so it cached every ones attention. But I kept walking till I was home while listening to music. When I opened the door I found my dog lying on the floor sleeping, my sister on her laptop and my mum having her music on full blast while cooking I quickly walked to my room and changed to black leggings, puffy skirt with 5 layers of material, a black shirt with a quote "death is better then living" with that I got one of my hood's and put it on to hide the cuts but just to be safe I putted on a new washed pairs of legs and arms warmers which matched, all those months I stopped wearing nice cloths that are all girly when a realised no one cared or looked at me.

I looked at my mum when I went out of the room as she took a deep breath. "I'm going out" I muttered loudly so she can hear it but all she did was nodd and turn back to the oven. So I took that as 'just go like I care' I walked to the door but then remembered same thing and run back to the room and grab my back pack but decided to put away my books then looked in my secret shelf where I hide my razors and grabbed a new one then dropped it in my bag. When I had every thing I ran back to the front door and turned to have one last look at the house I lived in for about 2 1/2 years all memories came back when they all use to run around trying the find sweets my mum hid from them or playing tag or just running away from my dog, but this was it my last time to look and try remember the smell. But then something hit me this was getting harder if I stood there any longer I would give up and I was not a person to give up.

I had to run for it so I closed my eyes, opened the door and I stepped out with my bag over my shoulder, I closed the door slowly and run I just run, all the way to the park where no one could see me no one but me by my self. When I got there I dropped to my knees and looked up at the sky was this how my life was meant to be all misery no happiness just the razor to help me out no thing else well I will give you my self now I will prove you that I didn't need a body and Amelia can finally take my spot she can live her oh so perfect life she won I lost easy, how could I been so stupid to accept her even if it was only for 2 days I still cant believe I gave her my trust once and that once is now killing me my life is just like a test or GCSE to complicated to answer no friend no answers just blank. So this was it last breath, last bus ride, last time to se her oh so perfect life, last time to touch, last time to fell but I couldn't, last time to cry last time to live. I was now on top of a big hill.

I took out the razor and positioned it to my neck and cut it deep deeper then ever before all the sudden laughter filled my ears so I turned left to see Michelle and Kim just sitting looking at the laptop, I felt dizzy and lots of blood drop down from my neck and the whole place when blurry and I know it this was the end no way I was turning around no way I was going to look back and live happy ever after no way. Soon as I sell to the ground my eyes still opened I heard someone all my name

"EMMA OMG EMMA" I know who it was but I really couldn't move.

Then I heard a bell and I looked at my self I still had the cuts on my arms but now I was in white dress and white high heels was this haven I wasn't sure but in about few moths that felt like a life time I smiled. But then looked down and I soo I lot of people I know crying and Kim holding my arm in the hospital but that was it I could not turn back

So I suggest you don't do as I did and live your life and if your thinking of killing your self think of the people you love when I did that I forgot about my mum and Ella and everyone else all I though of was me. Please don't be like me.

Emma Ariadne Eliot

1995 Febuary 18 - 2008 March 30

good daughter, friend and the greates bestfriend forever

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**A.N) just to tell you I don't cut my self I don't want to kill my self either this story came tome after I read Who's That Girl by ilyilyx3 which I love so much thank you so much for writing it. and hope this was long about 5 pages and 5 days**

_**Peace forever **_

_**Zaneta**_


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